I am back to a computer, after a 2 week hiatus, and am finally able to report about my 10 day meditation retreat in Southern California. I am committed to overall documentation, but not so much to continue blog posting on the tiny keyboard of my phone.

The meditation experience was a bit of a like/dislike relationship. The first 3 days were spent fine-tuning our brains and just concentrating on observing our breath and the sensations felt in and around the nose. I got that after an hour or so, this part was a bit too drawn out for me. I just wanted to get to the main meditation! On day 4 we learned the Vipassana technique, which, in a nutshell, consists of mentally scanning the body part by part, and equanimously observing bodily sensations. Accepting these sensations without judgement aids the inner mind in purification. Although somewhat skeptical about the method, I found it not too difficult. We followed a vow of ‘noble silence’ between fellow meditators, but we were allowed to ask our instructors questions in the afternoons. I asked how does one know if this ‘is working’? Two days later I began experiencing what she had replied, which was encouraging.

By day 7 I was quite bored. The other participants could get a bit of exercise by following the desert trails around the property, but I saved my energy for the back and forth to the meditaton hall 6-8 times a day. I sat in the sun a bit and stared at bugs and plants and sky, but there is a limited amount of that you can do every day.

My expectation of the experience was that I would be able to silence the endless chatter occurring in my brain. Not so. It definitely slowed down but there was often a new set of topics and vintage songs rolling around up there. It didn’t help that our 2 instructors were named Jack and Diane so I had that song in my head more often than I would have liked. Ugh! That aside, I did learn some things. They are difficult to put into words because it is mostly a feeling. I embraced spirituality. As a young child even, I never bought into Catholicism, despite going to church every Sunday for my first 16 years. I never believed. As a young adult I went full swing to agnosticism. I have always been ‘spiritual’, believing in a greater force and our mother earth, but definitely non-sectarian. The teachings I learnt involved feeling that life force that is within everything; you, me, rocks, trees, etc. Feeling the love and compassion that flows from this energy. Although I have long embraced this philosophy, for the first time in my life I really felt this, and understood it at the deepest level.

So I will try to maintain my daily meditation. Not sure if I can fit two hour-long sessions into my life as recommended, but I’m shooting for one. I will try to embrace love and compassion in all my daily interactions. I hope this will make me a more patient and tolerant person.